I was initially hesitant to join in on rehearsals for the community orchestra and band. My playing has fallen by the wayside in the past few years and I am very self conscious about how out of practice I am, but it ended up being wonderful. I had the opportunity to give some tips to some of the other percussionists wherever they needed it, but also to play myself. My sight reading skills definitely got a work out and, rather than being anxious about making mistakes and keeping up, the cheerful community spirit made it feel thrilling. There were many mistakes and a lot of laughter.
Whether or not this is the space for vulnerability, I'm not sure, but it is a space for collecting information and compiling it into what will one day be an entire career and so it would be dishonest of me not to take into consideration what is perhaps the biggest barrier I face when contemplating my own future as a music teacher. For the past few years I have faced an array of health problems which have impeded my productivity, ability to practice, and desire to do so. Since returning from my time away from studies, I have begun to regain the passion for the world and for teaching with which I started this degree, but my love of playing is returning slowly. The various ensembles I played with at UHCM (especially the seniors' ukelele group) served as a reminder of why I chose this path in the first place. As my health continues to improve, so too does my capacity to experience joy in unexpected places and there is certainly a lesson to be learned in finding it in a place where I thought I would find fear.
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